Relationship tools

Just how to start this post...
What are relationship tools? Is it the essential to start a relationship, or the essential to maintain a relationship or just the essential of what your partner should have? Maybe it mean either one or it could also mean all three. Just dependent on your perspective view.

Lets start with the first one; essential to start a relationship.
Relationships of today, how does it begin? It starts with a simple hello, continued with a date and if you're lucky, it ends with a kiss or hug. Maybe not that lucky but ending the date on a good tone to know there would be a second date. Perhaps just enough hints to say 'yes I'm also interested in you'.
After all, it's always the first impression that counts the most.
Then again, it might not always be true. Some first date, it could be awkward, uncertain and unpredictable. You might not fall for the person immediately, you might not even think of falling for the person at all.
What do people look for before starting a relationship?
The first thing I looked for is communication; how well I can connect with the guy, whether we have common understandable topics. I want someone I can easily communicate with, someone I won't run out of topics to talk about and someone I can talk under the skies with.
Second is the comfortable level which would naturally with the ease of communication. That's when you know it's a good feeling.
But here the danger... How do you know you really like the person?
Sometimes we think that we like the person just cause we spend a lot of time together, it feels fun spending time together, things seems to be going well but is it really liking the person or liking the company? The question left unanswered.

The next essential is maintain a relationship.
How do relationship last? And what happen when eventually the fire flame dies out? Or what happen when you realize it isn't the love that you thought it was?
Do you let go? Do you take a step back and view the relationship from another point of view, change your perspective? Do you try to mend it or leave it broken?
Once we fall into a comfortable pattern of being with each other, we drop our guard, we be ourselves and eventually we stopped showing love the initial way when first getting together, the surprises become less frequent, affections decrease and perhaps communication become lesser.
Hearing the words 'I miss you' and 'I love you' might seemed redundant when said to often that it lost the initial meaning when it was first said.
What happens next? Maybe temptation seed in when you start spending more time with someone else. You start to fall to the other party, you drift away from what's yours and before you know it, you tell yourself that you like the other party better, you feel that your boyfr/girlfr don't love you the same.
How often do we see on confession page about relationship problems? About people asking for advice whether to continue their relationship or break off?

So how do one maintain their relationship? Through commitment, communication, understanding, the continuous showing of love and affection and knowing that some things are worth holding on to instead of regretting it only after you lost it.

The last one; the essential that your partner should (or must?) have. I guess as always we have this little secret list comprising of criteria. Criteria such as understanding, patience, loving or stable. We all want a few important criteria in our future spouse. But is it a must for the person to fulfill every criteria on the list? What if they miss an item or two and replace it with a fault instead? Or worst, what if the fault replaced is something that turn you off.

I used or still have a list for my future husband. One that I try to compromise by changing it once in a while. But still on the list there are some items which unfortunately cannot be compromise, cannot be removed from the list. What or how is your list like?

With the topic of relationship tools, there another meaning for it. Such as treating your boyfr/girlfr as a tool. But what does that mean? Something that crossed my mind while chatting to Bumpy and guess that also how this post is formed.

The way we treat our boyfr/girlfr is the tool. Simple gestures such as asking to carry the bag/books, paying for the meals, hinting to get the items you want or the worst; for sex.
Maybe you will question what wrong with my boyfr helping me carry my bag or books. Of course it would be deemed as a gentlemen act to carry your books but handbag?
It would and is common for the guys to offer to pay for the meals, and also going Dutch. It's not an absolute must that guys must always treat. Instead it would surprise them if the girl offer to pay, even if it's her share only. Don't forget, the money (if he's not working) comes from his parents and while he may be treating some of the meals, it is also a gentle reminder not to take advantage of it. At the same time, it seemed weird and well, critic that people get mistaken at you eating good food when you're attached. Maybe it's just that the couple is a foodie pair and enjoy the delight of food hunt, but that doesn't mean you only eat good food when you're with your boyfr/girlfr. It just seemed the norm to say 'wah not bad siol, eat good food with boyfr, rich lah!'.
Mainly it's a week indulgence with Bumpy that I look forward to, a meal that after a hard week, we get to sit and chill and enjoy an awesome meal together and not forgetting the fatdie dessert. And usually, we know guys, they want their girlfr to enjoy their meal and the naturally thinking that 'I MUST FATTEN HER UP!'. Lol. It never gets old. Till now, Bumpy said every weekend he has every intention to ensure I am well fed. And he kept to that promise alright (my poor weight!). I'm not succeeding any time soon on my weight loss (major sigh).
The worst I feel is hinting to guys to get what you want. And even worst if it's an expensive item. Guys aren't your sugar daddy to buy you what you want, and least of all, their parents' money should not be spend on buying expensive gifts. Even if they're working, it's money for their future and for themselves as well. You may argue that if they're working and it's their money, therefore they can choose how to spend it, whether buying gifts for you or slurping on themselves. Honestly, earning your own money does not mean you get to spend it all. And other times, it just show how you manage money, and how you don't see the worth that for the amount of hours you have worked, you have ridiculously spend the money in minutes, maybe even seconds.
Last one, tools for sex. We often read about one-night-stand, having sex within the first three (or five) dates and even unprotected sex or shotgun marriages (or not, but unplanned pregnancy).
How about those minority who does not want to be committed into a serious relationship, but yet the thought of having a girl with benefits just without the complication of relationship status. You do everything like a couple (except much dating and maybe sending home or meeting each other friends) and the date usually ends or starts in bed. What are girls to them in this case? A tool, a need to satisfy oneself or just for convenience sake?
The mindset of the current generation is changing, it is moving away from the traditional thinking where we save ourselves for marriage, we are moving from the thinking that we want to save ourselves for our spouse. What will happen then in the next generation?

Some nonsensical thoughts and ranting for today. After all, it's Monday blues and I got a test tomorrow.