Relationship and its troll

The month of September for me seemed to be about ex boyfriend's girlfriend.
Strange but true.
Yet I don't get how all of it resurface just within the last two weeks, maybe it's better to face the demons of the past than to avoid it.
This post is about ex-es and how well things went and ended, and maybe more. We'll see how it goes.

Being in a relationship teaches one to grow up, learn that now there are two people in a relationship and not just your selfish self. Yet it definitely also shows the ugly side of one's most inner self to the one you love most.

At the beginning, we tend to hide the dark side of our lives. Not ready to let the other one know how you're actually like, your short temper perhaps, but gradually as we settle into a comfortable pattern, we let our guard down and we slowly reveal who we really are. Sometimes that when arguments and disagreements happen 'cause we can't get along and personalities clash. Then we pick up the bond through communication, understand how each other is like, the likes and dislikes and how to settle misunderstanding. Sometimes the path goes smooth, yet other times it might be a little rough here and there. At the end of the day, it depends on how the couple is going to work things out and not throw away something just 'cause its broken, but choose to mend it properly.

It's not easy to admit that I been through depression, down dark side of my lives where everything I perceived is negative. The amount of blood bled from my endless slashing on my wrist for 5 years can't be measured. Maybe it was the darkest moment of my teenager life. But no, not all blame why I slashed goes to boyfriends.

The ex then had a sweet tongue, able to tell you stuffs that you want to believe. The kind that waits for you to reach school every morning before accompanying you to class to put your bag down, and head upstairs to have a morning chat. Though the kind that also doesn't ask you out on more than one date, and the nerve to arrive late on the first and last date. Yet the kind that is able to sweet talk you again after 5 years and admit that he still has feelings for you and want to get back together. Unbelievable story. AND to think he can convince that while having a girlfriend. The dirty bastard side of him that you don't want to even think about. Now I see him, I see him as a past and a past I never want to look back. Unfortunately, the secret got out and his girlfriend knew what happened, but at a bad timing after breaking up. Perhaps if she seen my message earlier, all these could have been avoided.

Maybe that's the thing we can't predict. Knowing how the person really is, even when we think we know everything.

Then there the ex of the controlling freak. Insecure, needy, never listening to what I said, stubborn. The good side is he pampered me a lot through gifts from sweets to monthsary presents to even the extra step of cooking for me. Yet it annoyed me that I tell him countless times never to pick me up after school, it never got inside that brain of his. Interestingly, it took me ages to break up. It was a mental torture inside but it had to be done sooner or later, better sooner actually. Little did I know that after the breakup, he had that amount of hatred and anger killing him inside for me. Sweet to know that despite the years, he couldn't forget me. But the amount of hidden pride inside him and the extreme insecurity didn't prevent his girlfriend from breaking up with him too. It's amusing when she found out he cried when I broke up with him, one that she didn't expect. And well, added to the list, now there would be double the anger and hatred killing him slowly.

There are more stories perhaps to share in due time.

I've moved on, maybe I'm still in the process of moving on, not just from past breakups but from past events/incidents that continue to taunt me here and there. After all, everyone have their own skeletons in their closet. Be it stealing boyfriends, cheating, unloved childhood and so on. I believed everyone changed over time, just a matter whether it's towards good or bad. They can change for the better if they choose to.

Right now, I'm happy being Bumpy's girlfriend. He's sweet, understanding, loving, patience, nonsensical and most importantly, he's being himself with me. And he makes me happy. And only I can bully him and feel bad about giving him claw marks then after, but only because he allows me to.

I know sometimes people wonder, isn't it fast that we got together within a short period of knowing each other. Shouldn't you know more about the other person before making the impulsive rush decision to get together. Like what he said me, he didn't believe that one should totally know each other before getting together, but being in a relationship is the continuous process of getting to know more about the person.

I don't know what my future is, be it 10 years down the path or even what happen tomorrow or next week. For now, I'm living my life as Bumpy's girlfriend and who knows maybe wife to be in future (hint hint). Hahah. I could be my nonsensical self with him, roaming around the house like I live there, opening his closet and stealing his shirts to wear and slowly 'borrowing' things from him which I wonder when I would return (Shhh don't tell him!). And it's a comfortable feeling.

We all meet bastards once in a while in our life. And it's bastards like these that teach us to be more cautious to who we give our hearts to the next time round, to be cautious of the world around us and that sometimes we need to play a little hard to get to see if the guy is willing to put the effort first. It takes time to heal all wounds, but eventually it would.

Maybe not the physical wounds.