Are you happy?

Another ranting post. Kind of thought of this while walking home just now and then I had a lot of things on my mind, so let's see if I can type out what I had thought in my head like 2 hours ago.

People like to question other whether they are happy. Like are you happy with me? Are you happy with your life? Are you happy with what you are doing right now? Are you happy what you are studying? Are you happy today? Are you happy eating that?

What is the definition of being happy? Is it being content with what you have? Is it feeling happy inside while you're doing that particular activities? Is it the feeling that you have? What is called being happy? What do people mean by are you happy?

And what if I'm not?

Maybe if you asked me right now this moment if I'm happy, I can lie and say yes or I can be truthful and say no.
Why no. Why not yes? It's not that I'm entirely unhappy, it's not that I'm super displeased, hell damn dissatisfied. It's maybe putting in a term that I wouldn't mind changing a few situations or having a few more situations to make things happier. Lets try sorting it out nicely in a list and see how far I get.


1. I would be happy if I could not work and study
Who wouldn't be happier if they didn't have to balance work and study? Not having to rush off to work after class ends and planning schedule to see if the work assignments fit where I am going or perhaps some adjustments here and there. At the same time after hours of running around and visiting the assigned stores, at night it's report writing. Imagine writing the same questions 6-7 times until you get super bored of typing yet you know you have to be clear, precise and concise in the answers. Is it worth the money per assignment to tire myself out like this? Honestly I don't know.
However, when the pay check rolls in, there just the sense of achievement and happiness knowing that you have worked hard for it.

But...With every point, there would be something positive to argue against the negative. As much as it is tiring to juggle work and study. You learn about time management, you learn that when you have something to be done, the hell better not be distracted and focus on it. Not multi-task on Facebook, whasapp or Skype. Chatting with up to three or more friends at a time and trying to reply them as soon as possible and concentrating on what they're telling you as well. Yet conversely, you need to concentrate on your report writing and remembering the little important details of the visit.

Because of this, you learn the value of money. You know that it isn't easy to earn money, yet it's always so easy to spend the money away. To be honest, at times, I do dislike people who get their monthly allowances from their parents. It's not being super against it, I do get a bit of allowance from parents, it's sufficient to cover the basic of transport, mobile phone bill and driving lessons. Other than that, the remaining amount is then reliant on my personal savings and pay check. It keep you in check about how much you spend when you keep your own personal balance sheet. Who knew that learning accounting would come into practice. You make a Microsoft spreadsheet and just key in the amount of money you spend per day, which store is it, the items bought, the price of each item and the total amount spend for the day, for the week and for the month.


2. I would be happier if I could hang out late outside.
This been an issue that has been bothering me for quite some time. It's not that I don't have my freedom. I used to stay out late almost every night till midnight, just refusing to go home early, and yet I have the strength to wake up early the next day for work. Maybe those younger days with more energy.
I would love it if parents stopped asking me to be home early every time I tell them I'm going out. I would be happier if I could literally just go out late in the night without having my parents calling and asking what time I would be home, or like the following day to see my mom questioning me where I went the night before, who was I with and why was I home so late. It just would be nice to go out without a care, and just truly enjoy myself without the constant need to keep track of time. Indeed it's annoying, it spoil the mood because it's as though once it's past 9pm I get slightly agitated because of the need to start heading home.

The thought I being restricted by parents annoyed me countless times that I always had to return home early and sleeping early. As much has I know the next day I have class early the next day, the fact that I need be up by 6 is the harsh fact that I need to admit why I need be home early. Maybe gone are the day where I can easily survive on 4+ hours of sleep a day and continuous running around throughout the day. Sometimes I just wish the night last longer and the days are shorter. Maybe 24 hours a day just isn't enough.

Though at the same time you know it's a good habit to cultivate sleeping early and letting the body have enough rest, and having the proper 7-8 hours of sleep. It's still a logic I cannot debate against, and also knowing around midnight is the timing that I get tired already. And even if I were to be out at that timing, I would be tired and probably would not be the best company to be around with, and also logic thinking, I would just want to go home and sleep. Tskkk. I lost my vampire-ness.


3. I would be happier if I could doing things for others.
Maybe just a week without running errands, doing favors, doing this and doing that. Just maybe.
To laze at home all day in front of the computer, spam watching movies, on Facebook, 9gag, hugelol, playing game and reading books.
Without the thought that at this timing I need be doing this or that.
Yet at the same time I get myself self-annoyed instead. Maybe it's just one of those things that I keep doing to myself and get myself all miserable.

4. I would be happier if I could.