9 more days

So another two weeks of absence of not blogging, though there is not much to blog.
My sad adidas kind of the road got cancelled about two weeks ago due to the heavy rain in the morning, though to admit I was kind of happy that it got cancelled. Firstly, it was a race that I was not prepared for, let alone did much training for it. Come to think of it, I have not been doing much running nowadays. Sunday become a challenge for me to get up to run. Other days I self motivate myself that I will attempt to do my crunches, lurches and squats at home but eventually so far I have done twice only. It is indeed a poor attempt. Maybe the motivation dropped, maybe it's the company since now I don't have any running buddies to train with me (apart from Sunday) and to go stadium alone is kind of sad. Instead dessert eating becomes guilty pleasures.

Though amazingly since my boy enlisted into NS, I have not touched any dessert at all since. A little of withdrawal symptoms as well considering I was on a high dessert diet every week, attempting to have at least three desserts per week and now it has dramatically dropped to zero. Least I'm not sugar low I hope. Just going to wait till my boy books out in 9 days time and we'll go for dessert together. At the moment I'm cravings for cheesecake, rainbow cake and macaroons. Desperately want to try the Laurdee macaroons at Taka but the thought of spending much money of these little burger dessert is just not worth it. No matter how much I am tempted to get a piece, just paying $3-7 for the tiny burger, I rather get the real burger from Carl's Junior or even Fatboy. Hahah! Oh well. Then again there are outlets in S'pore which have macaroons, so there's always alternative to wanting macaroons. It's just a matter of googling the macaroons in S'pore and determine which is worth the price to pay.
Till then, I shall patiently to wait to have cheesecake again. Then again I am suppose to attempt to bake some time soon again. What happen to baking my hot cross buns. I got the yeast, just without the chocolate chips but the problem is TIME. That's something I don't have at the moment.

Having some irritated frustrated feelings at the moment, especially this morning during my lecture. Almost wanted to start an argument with my lecturer. I mean like our exam is in two weeks time, and he didn't exactly give much of focus point for us to know what kind of questions would come out in exams and I was quite frustrated by it. I mean that's a lot to study for a book of 9 chapters. Eventually after the break, then he started being more concentrated and like giving us more hints about what to come out for exams. And to break the ice, he even addressed me in front of the class asking if it was a lot to study since I showed my obvious displeased after he went through chapter 1. And the funny thing he said is how I was one of the few who participated in the class discussion which showed that I did come reading before coming class. Lol! And to think I was reading it off from the textbook on the spot. But well in the end at least he gave us better hints for exams. Thank goodness.

Feeling like a spoilt brat at times, now that my maid has went home for a three weeks break, the home become smaller. And I got to help my mom with duties at times. Though it's the simple ones of throwing the rubbish out, helping her get some items, feeding the dog/tortoise or just buying dinner home, I feel that if now in future I have to learn to do all these on my own, I might take super long time to get them done. Maybe I just too used to having a maid around that I relied on her doing things for me, such that in the process I get too pampered. In a bad sense, some stuffs I realized I don't really know how to do. Like literally. Today after a year of not doing house chores on my own, I realized how horrible I am at changing bed sheets. Lol. Mom even laughed at the way I changed my bed sheets. Tsk yes.

Meanwhile, it sometimes feeling the annoyance of being the youngest child. Knowing that despite everything, when your parents want you to do something, you still have to do it and can't say no. While big brother gets away with not doing much 'cause he is busy with work every weekday and sometimes even on weekends, responsibility then fall on your shoulder. It gets tiring at times, that in the middle of doing something, you're given something else to do, errands to run, chores. Sometimes it leaves me wondering what if I'm not the youngest child, would I bully the younger one as well? Or would I pamper my littler brother/sister. In any case, it's not easy being a child, whether youngest, oldest or middle child. Every kid would suffer negligence from parents one way or another, feel that parents are not being fair to them at times or the division of love between the siblings is not equal. We are humans after all, we tends to be selfish and want the best for ourselves. Even if we put others first in actions, we can't do that for everyone, just those who are important to us. And sometimes putting others first before ourselves can be a tiring chore, sometimes it break us down when we tried too hard to please the other party, tried to make them happy all the time or tried to give in to their wants. But sometimes it's just not enough.

Probably ranting a lot of random stuffs out.

And now I'm just counting down to 30th August. Just another 9 more days before I can see him in person. Be amused at his new hairstyle and just know that now it's a different journey in life that I'm taking. It's not the same as other relationships, but then again, to compare and contrast relationships do not work out. In the end, you feel like you're living in the past, trying to find a boyfriend that is better than the previous, always searching, always comparing and when he makes one mistake, it brings you down a lot that he did not meet expectations. After that you questioned yourself, is it worth it? Is it worth making bench marks for every relationship and see if the guy achieves it? It's not a competition where you compare timing and improve each race. Relationship isn't a race. It's an ongoing training for the final marathon. During the training, you have different coaches, and each coach techniques are different, but they want the best for you, even when it doesn't seemed like the best. Perhaps it is the best in their own view, just a matter whether you agree with them or not. And during the training, you learnt new things, you even learnt things about yourself and you even learnt how to be stronger. What's the final marathon? Marriage. Walking down the aisle. But now, maybe it's one section of relationship that I choose not to think about, not to think so far ahead just yet until maybe years later with my boyfriend. It used to be easy to talk about marriage, making plans about how to live, how many kids, what kind of jobs we want and how we want live together. All seemed like a fairy tale coming together. But eventually reality kicks in, marriage isn't as simple as it seemed to be. Some fairy tales are meant to remained in books only. Maybe I'm being pessimistic in this area. Maybe I'm not giving it much thoughts again after all that happened. Maybe I just want take things slow this time and enjoy the moment.

Some people are afraid of being too happy because they think something tragic is going to happen soon -- This is known as Cherophobia.