Just next Friday

Just next Friday to seeing my favorite boy. Definitely can't wait, that's for sure.
At the same time, it's kind of dreading that I got about 2 weeks to study for my both papers.
A lot more to study this time for my both exams and the thing is the questions aren't exactly fixed for either papers as well. Just got to start typing out my answers and let the memorizing work begins.
Motivation to finish my revision by next Friday so I can spend all day with him.

Mood been up and down lately. Sometimes depending on the texts I received through the day, sometimes its the email that I received instead. Either way, now I have stuffs to focus on and it's just the last two laps before I am done with part one. A month break and I will continue with part two. Maybe find a short-term job in the month just for a bit of money to save for Christmas shopping.

Hmm, seen it revolving around instagram lately about 20 facts about me. So let's start..
#1. I love black, like seriously. The easiest colour to match with anything and everything.
#2. I have trouble keeping long fingernails because my nails get brittle very easily and break. As much as I really love long fingernails to scratch.
#3. I have a love-hate thing about running actually.
#4. I am the worst murmur to myself.
#5. I tend to have more negative than positive thoughts/feelings/emotions.
#6. I am the best procrastinator.
#7. I wish I have more artistic side like a bit of drawing, painting, picture angle for photo taking and matching of clothes.
#8. I hate doing house chores. Seriously.
#9. I love number 9 and 29.
#10. I actually have a bad short tempter and am impatience.
#11. I prefer doing/going places alone.
#12. I hate eating alone though. I would buy snacks to munch on while walking instead.
#13. I love cheesecake and chocolate cake.
#14. I actually have quite low self-esteem.
#15. I usually start things that I don't finish, which is really bad.
#16. I think too much. Like all the time.
#17. I love piercings, like a lot. Though I pierce and re-pierced a lot of times already that now it's debating whether I should pierce again. I want to try a facial piercing once though. At least.
#18. There a lot of stuffs that I want to do, but the thought of how society frown upon the choices limit me a lot. To say that I am indeed affected by how people look/think of me.
#19. I hate it when people don't mean what they're saying and keep repeating the words. Like the continuous apologizing or saying about regrets. I mean come on, make amendments then.
#20. I hate my legs. Big time. Literally. Seriously.

9 more days

So another two weeks of absence of not blogging, though there is not much to blog.
My sad adidas kind of the road got cancelled about two weeks ago due to the heavy rain in the morning, though to admit I was kind of happy that it got cancelled. Firstly, it was a race that I was not prepared for, let alone did much training for it. Come to think of it, I have not been doing much running nowadays. Sunday become a challenge for me to get up to run. Other days I self motivate myself that I will attempt to do my crunches, lurches and squats at home but eventually so far I have done twice only. It is indeed a poor attempt. Maybe the motivation dropped, maybe it's the company since now I don't have any running buddies to train with me (apart from Sunday) and to go stadium alone is kind of sad. Instead dessert eating becomes guilty pleasures.

Though amazingly since my boy enlisted into NS, I have not touched any dessert at all since. A little of withdrawal symptoms as well considering I was on a high dessert diet every week, attempting to have at least three desserts per week and now it has dramatically dropped to zero. Least I'm not sugar low I hope. Just going to wait till my boy books out in 9 days time and we'll go for dessert together. At the moment I'm cravings for cheesecake, rainbow cake and macaroons. Desperately want to try the Laurdee macaroons at Taka but the thought of spending much money of these little burger dessert is just not worth it. No matter how much I am tempted to get a piece, just paying $3-7 for the tiny burger, I rather get the real burger from Carl's Junior or even Fatboy. Hahah! Oh well. Then again there are outlets in S'pore which have macaroons, so there's always alternative to wanting macaroons. It's just a matter of googling the macaroons in S'pore and determine which is worth the price to pay.
Till then, I shall patiently to wait to have cheesecake again. Then again I am suppose to attempt to bake some time soon again. What happen to baking my hot cross buns. I got the yeast, just without the chocolate chips but the problem is TIME. That's something I don't have at the moment.

Having some irritated frustrated feelings at the moment, especially this morning during my lecture. Almost wanted to start an argument with my lecturer. I mean like our exam is in two weeks time, and he didn't exactly give much of focus point for us to know what kind of questions would come out in exams and I was quite frustrated by it. I mean that's a lot to study for a book of 9 chapters. Eventually after the break, then he started being more concentrated and like giving us more hints about what to come out for exams. And to break the ice, he even addressed me in front of the class asking if it was a lot to study since I showed my obvious displeased after he went through chapter 1. And the funny thing he said is how I was one of the few who participated in the class discussion which showed that I did come reading before coming class. Lol! And to think I was reading it off from the textbook on the spot. But well in the end at least he gave us better hints for exams. Thank goodness.

Feeling like a spoilt brat at times, now that my maid has went home for a three weeks break, the home become smaller. And I got to help my mom with duties at times. Though it's the simple ones of throwing the rubbish out, helping her get some items, feeding the dog/tortoise or just buying dinner home, I feel that if now in future I have to learn to do all these on my own, I might take super long time to get them done. Maybe I just too used to having a maid around that I relied on her doing things for me, such that in the process I get too pampered. In a bad sense, some stuffs I realized I don't really know how to do. Like literally. Today after a year of not doing house chores on my own, I realized how horrible I am at changing bed sheets. Lol. Mom even laughed at the way I changed my bed sheets. Tsk yes.

Meanwhile, it sometimes feeling the annoyance of being the youngest child. Knowing that despite everything, when your parents want you to do something, you still have to do it and can't say no. While big brother gets away with not doing much 'cause he is busy with work every weekday and sometimes even on weekends, responsibility then fall on your shoulder. It gets tiring at times, that in the middle of doing something, you're given something else to do, errands to run, chores. Sometimes it leaves me wondering what if I'm not the youngest child, would I bully the younger one as well? Or would I pamper my littler brother/sister. In any case, it's not easy being a child, whether youngest, oldest or middle child. Every kid would suffer negligence from parents one way or another, feel that parents are not being fair to them at times or the division of love between the siblings is not equal. We are humans after all, we tends to be selfish and want the best for ourselves. Even if we put others first in actions, we can't do that for everyone, just those who are important to us. And sometimes putting others first before ourselves can be a tiring chore, sometimes it break us down when we tried too hard to please the other party, tried to make them happy all the time or tried to give in to their wants. But sometimes it's just not enough.

Probably ranting a lot of random stuffs out.

And now I'm just counting down to 30th August. Just another 9 more days before I can see him in person. Be amused at his new hairstyle and just know that now it's a different journey in life that I'm taking. It's not the same as other relationships, but then again, to compare and contrast relationships do not work out. In the end, you feel like you're living in the past, trying to find a boyfriend that is better than the previous, always searching, always comparing and when he makes one mistake, it brings you down a lot that he did not meet expectations. After that you questioned yourself, is it worth it? Is it worth making bench marks for every relationship and see if the guy achieves it? It's not a competition where you compare timing and improve each race. Relationship isn't a race. It's an ongoing training for the final marathon. During the training, you have different coaches, and each coach techniques are different, but they want the best for you, even when it doesn't seemed like the best. Perhaps it is the best in their own view, just a matter whether you agree with them or not. And during the training, you learnt new things, you even learnt things about yourself and you even learnt how to be stronger. What's the final marathon? Marriage. Walking down the aisle. But now, maybe it's one section of relationship that I choose not to think about, not to think so far ahead just yet until maybe years later with my boyfriend. It used to be easy to talk about marriage, making plans about how to live, how many kids, what kind of jobs we want and how we want live together. All seemed like a fairy tale coming together. But eventually reality kicks in, marriage isn't as simple as it seemed to be. Some fairy tales are meant to remained in books only. Maybe I'm being pessimistic in this area. Maybe I'm not giving it much thoughts again after all that happened. Maybe I just want take things slow this time and enjoy the moment.

Some people are afraid of being too happy because they think something tragic is going to happen soon -- This is known as Cherophobia. 

Are you happy?

Another ranting post. Kind of thought of this while walking home just now and then I had a lot of things on my mind, so let's see if I can type out what I had thought in my head like 2 hours ago.

People like to question other whether they are happy. Like are you happy with me? Are you happy with your life? Are you happy with what you are doing right now? Are you happy what you are studying? Are you happy today? Are you happy eating that?

What is the definition of being happy? Is it being content with what you have? Is it feeling happy inside while you're doing that particular activities? Is it the feeling that you have? What is called being happy? What do people mean by are you happy?

And what if I'm not?

Maybe if you asked me right now this moment if I'm happy, I can lie and say yes or I can be truthful and say no.
Why no. Why not yes? It's not that I'm entirely unhappy, it's not that I'm super displeased, hell damn dissatisfied. It's maybe putting in a term that I wouldn't mind changing a few situations or having a few more situations to make things happier. Lets try sorting it out nicely in a list and see how far I get.


1. I would be happy if I could not work and study
Who wouldn't be happier if they didn't have to balance work and study? Not having to rush off to work after class ends and planning schedule to see if the work assignments fit where I am going or perhaps some adjustments here and there. At the same time after hours of running around and visiting the assigned stores, at night it's report writing. Imagine writing the same questions 6-7 times until you get super bored of typing yet you know you have to be clear, precise and concise in the answers. Is it worth the money per assignment to tire myself out like this? Honestly I don't know.
However, when the pay check rolls in, there just the sense of achievement and happiness knowing that you have worked hard for it.

But...With every point, there would be something positive to argue against the negative. As much as it is tiring to juggle work and study. You learn about time management, you learn that when you have something to be done, the hell better not be distracted and focus on it. Not multi-task on Facebook, whasapp or Skype. Chatting with up to three or more friends at a time and trying to reply them as soon as possible and concentrating on what they're telling you as well. Yet conversely, you need to concentrate on your report writing and remembering the little important details of the visit.

Because of this, you learn the value of money. You know that it isn't easy to earn money, yet it's always so easy to spend the money away. To be honest, at times, I do dislike people who get their monthly allowances from their parents. It's not being super against it, I do get a bit of allowance from parents, it's sufficient to cover the basic of transport, mobile phone bill and driving lessons. Other than that, the remaining amount is then reliant on my personal savings and pay check. It keep you in check about how much you spend when you keep your own personal balance sheet. Who knew that learning accounting would come into practice. You make a Microsoft spreadsheet and just key in the amount of money you spend per day, which store is it, the items bought, the price of each item and the total amount spend for the day, for the week and for the month.


2. I would be happier if I could hang out late outside.
This been an issue that has been bothering me for quite some time. It's not that I don't have my freedom. I used to stay out late almost every night till midnight, just refusing to go home early, and yet I have the strength to wake up early the next day for work. Maybe those younger days with more energy.
I would love it if parents stopped asking me to be home early every time I tell them I'm going out. I would be happier if I could literally just go out late in the night without having my parents calling and asking what time I would be home, or like the following day to see my mom questioning me where I went the night before, who was I with and why was I home so late. It just would be nice to go out without a care, and just truly enjoy myself without the constant need to keep track of time. Indeed it's annoying, it spoil the mood because it's as though once it's past 9pm I get slightly agitated because of the need to start heading home.

The thought I being restricted by parents annoyed me countless times that I always had to return home early and sleeping early. As much has I know the next day I have class early the next day, the fact that I need be up by 6 is the harsh fact that I need to admit why I need be home early. Maybe gone are the day where I can easily survive on 4+ hours of sleep a day and continuous running around throughout the day. Sometimes I just wish the night last longer and the days are shorter. Maybe 24 hours a day just isn't enough.

Though at the same time you know it's a good habit to cultivate sleeping early and letting the body have enough rest, and having the proper 7-8 hours of sleep. It's still a logic I cannot debate against, and also knowing around midnight is the timing that I get tired already. And even if I were to be out at that timing, I would be tired and probably would not be the best company to be around with, and also logic thinking, I would just want to go home and sleep. Tskkk. I lost my vampire-ness.


3. I would be happier if I could doing things for others.
Maybe just a week without running errands, doing favors, doing this and doing that. Just maybe.
To laze at home all day in front of the computer, spam watching movies, on Facebook, 9gag, hugelol, playing game and reading books.
Without the thought that at this timing I need be doing this or that.
Yet at the same time I get myself self-annoyed instead. Maybe it's just one of those things that I keep doing to myself and get myself all miserable.

4. I would be happier if I could.

Dim Sum Buffet

So...
This week is literally about dim sum craving. Like literally.
For a week or coming two weeks I been craving dim sum and really want to get some into my system.
Seeing people going to Swee Choon is like injecting jealousy into me! Rah.
It's like is Swee Choon really that awesome? I do really want to try it one day.

Till then I stumbled upon this dim sum buffet upon surfing the internet.
Plain searching dim sum buffet singapore on google and it's a wonder what turns up on the search engine.
So Box and I made a day to head down together to give the place a try.
Wasn't expecting much for that price, but then again for that price and if they have char siew bao plus salted egg custard buns, I would actually be quite contented already.

NO. I was joking!
I want like my siew mai, my chee cheong fun, my carrot cake, and this and that.

One thing I learned, I suck at ordering dim sum -.-
Let's be frank.
I just realized that we didn't tried the deep fried dim sum section *horrified face*
Another thing you learned, it's good to go buffet on a super empty stomach.
And also to order more stuffs, even when we can't finish!

Overall, the food is not too bad. I enjoyed the salted egg custard buns and the char siew bao.
And like also the chee cheong fun!
Damn funny. Like at the last part we ordered another set of char siew bao for me, and like also I thought he also ordered the chee cheong fun, but he actually didn't.
And I just waited and waited for a dish that never comes. Hahah!
But well, in the end I did enjoy our lunch. And hey, Box first time saw me like ate so much bao.

Well, gotta keep another look out for more dim sum buffet again! ^^

Ju Chun Yuan Dim Sum Buffet
Minimum of 2 persons dining
Pricing: $18+ (Usual pricing: $24+)
Child (from 3 to 12 years old): $10+
Buffet timing: 11.30am to 3.30pm daily.

Ju Chun Yuan
Far East Square
130 Amoy Street #01-01
Singapore 049959
(Nearest MRT: Raffles Place or Chinatown)