Treasured moments

Met up with my awesome accomplices last night and we had the best time ever.
And to think it was more than a month since the last time we went out. Tsk at our busy schedule. But even with the month apart, it still doesn't feel we haven't go out in a long time. Really love that about both of them, and also about our impulsive decision to go places.
From meeting up at Ion for dinner, to heading down to Clarke Quay for drinks.
Joanna even brought for us dinner from her workplace, and I had to empathize about the Stamford catering 'cause the rice was so good!
And our healthy drinks of carrot and celery for me, apple and lemon for Joanna, and Skye had lemon barley.

At Clarke Quay, got rejected by a few clubs because I was in slippers and well, I couldn't get in for that reason. But finally at Cassis we managed to go in for two drinks. One Vodka cranberry and a tequila shot. Even the bartender had a shot with us!

Finally it's finding Skye at the Beer Market. He ordered this dark beer (unsure of the name) and lychee beer for me just 'cause I don't really like the taste of beer. And fries too!
Our fun photo-taking session, and joking the whole night away.

'I dare you to pull down your pants now to show the size and I'll give you a blowjob!'

Hahah! Unfortunately time passed too fast and we all needed to head back 'cause we had to wake up early today. Until our next crazy fun session.

Overly sensitive

Pretty much a rare post where I just want to rant everything out, and the possibility that I don't care who will read it, or that I'm even talking about the person.

Lately the mood have been ups and downs, but mainly downs. A shot of adrenalin rush once in a while to boost the energy level, but other than that, I just feel that it's putting on a mask again just to hide how I feel inside, and showing others that I'm alright, I'm strong and hey, I won't let life bring me down.

Here's a walk into a year ago post where then, I was still super negative, still struggling with life and figuring things out. Then I guess when life doesn't go out the way we want it to be, we struggle, we lost control, we lost our direction, and we stumble down. For someone who went on the edge of killing herself, and question so many times why isn't she dead, I guess that's a lot to pick up from.

One thing that I enjoy about blogging, is reading past blog entries and realize how much you have changed over the years. And you know you're the one who typed the entry and that's how you feel at that moment while typing and who knows, maybe a few years from now, I would look back at this entry and feel even better that I have grown up so much since then. Then again, it's of course if I don't delete this blog. Since I started blogging from 16 till now, deleted quite a number of blog and now looking back, maybe it was better to keep them, like private them that only I can read.

Anyway, losing the focus. This few days haven't been the best days of this period of starting school, maybe it could be because that I have my first class test this week, or that I have an essay due. But knowing me, usually its the least of my concern. Not that I don't care much about studies but it's not really my things to scream and shout over assignment when I know I would finish/revise them on time.

It's frustration within. Sometimes holding another person's emotional burden and placing on myself gives more strains that it should have. One of my ex always tell me how he carry others' emotional burden when they burden him down with their issues, problems and worries. And how he tries to lend the best listening ear and give advice to them accordingly. It's definitely not an easy job, but for that person whom you care about, it's worth the job. That's how friendship, relationship are, you trust the person with your emotional, your insecurities, your bare naked soul and know that the person would be there to catch you if you fall, be there beside you in terms of needs and know when you need that little gentle push.

I'm not saying how every advice should be taken, but at times it's good to take a step back and see the whole situation before making decision. While other times maybe it's also good to take a daring step and see the reaction. But in whichever decision you make, like I always say (even though I might not approve), I will support you fully in it.

Sometimes we need to learn to let go and stand on our own, other times, we want/need someone to lean on and feel their arms around us. Either way, it's own time, own target that we grow. But one day we will get there, and that's when we know what we want in life, and aim to achieve it. 
Like now, I'm aiming to increase my distance to run more than 5 clicks and actually not pant so much during the last click. And hopefully by end May I would be comfortable running 10 clicks.

More random ranting. Still don't really know what are we. Sometimes it feel like strangers, other times it feel like friends, and sometimes it feels like in a relationship. Maybe I'm thinking too much, maybe I'm reading too much into everything. But can't blame either, we girls have the tendency to over-think every situation, every word, every action. And yet, even with explanation, we still can't get it either.

It's like finding both good and bad in something, and wondering whether it's good OR bad. Other times, it's like secretly wondering if you notice the little things that I post, or like whether you even seen what I posted. Instead of you asking me if I have seen what you have posted. In case you're wondering, yes I do see every post, but it's just a matter of whether I want to admit that I have seen it or just saying no about it. There's a stalker button which puts you on my favorite list of people to stalk.

It's the same as making the effort to take the lift/stairs up almost everyday. What happen if for a week, I just stop doing that. Would it bother you, or matter that I'm not there. Maybe I'm just waiting for some sort of initiative, some sort of affirmation, or some sort of signal or action that would change my mind, that would secure me and that would let me know that I'm actually still on your mind somehow.

At the beginning, it's always fun and laughing, all happy time and no argument, but as it continue on, and as it begin to get serious, things would get complicated, difficult and that we have to sit down and talk things out. Feelings come in, and jealousy occur. It's all part and parcels of the process.

Maybe I'm just not ready to be in a relationship. Maybe I'm just feeling lost and want to learn how to be on my own, after being in relationships after relationships. Maybe we're two different people having two different goals now, that it is tearing us apart. Or maybe it's just two different levels of relationship that we're looking at, and there's nothing in the middle at the moment to compromise.

Traffic light cupcakes

A rare attempt of going back to baking again, considering I left all of my baking items in Australia and I'm pretty sure Claudia had helped herself to all of the items.
Major sigh about it. My electric hand mixer, my food coloring, my biscuit molds, baking tray, everything. Oh gosh why.

So it was time to get everything again, and keeping it in Singapore, a slow start, but for now I managed to get the baking tray first. Shall get the electric hand mixer next and more food coloring!
It was post-labor day blue and I'm in the kitchen thinking of what to bake. My original idea was to bake rainbow cupcakes, but apparently the whole of Singapore supermarket was against it that I couldn't find any blue coloring. Headed down to Nex in the afternoon, and both Fairprice and Cold Storage were out of stock. Bad luck much?

A change of plans and since I only three colors, let's do a traffic light cupcake instead.

Three bowls of my traffic light colors; green, yellow and red.
And it's time to pipe down into the baking tray.
The first time I did these layer cupcakes, it was pure torture. I was spooning carefully into each muffin holes and trying to even out the layers. Today I figured that I don't want to torture myself too much and decided to scoop the mixture into plastic bag, cut a hole at the bottom and just pipe them in. Much easier and fun method.
And after piping in, I would use the spoon to smooth out the layer before I add the next color layer.

And here are two special jars for my tasters.
Making two cupcakes in a jar for them to try, and if it's good, I shall make them in future as gifts to friends.
But in the meanwhile, with every baking session, there's always a need for tasters. Very important job.

Once the green is done, next is yellow.

So that's the overall color of the jars.
Had to place them in a water bath just in case they cracked on me while baking, and that is definitely not good at all.
Wasn't exactly sure how the outcome would be like since it's my first time baking in Singapore, and baking these cupcakes in a jar.
It's amazing mom haven't officially banned me from baking.

 
Impatient bakers waiting outside the oven for the cupcakes to rise.

And finally they're done!
The ones in the tray were baked way faster than the ones in the jars. Reckon that the jars had more quantity and also 'cause it was in a jar, heat might be harder to bake them and for the air to be released.
It was like an additional 10-15 minutes for them to bake.

The layers are out!

And well, with such pretty delicates, you just have to spam pictures.

The jars were finally ready to be taken out, and they were exploding!
Lesson learned, don't make the layers too high, best to fill it up to half of the jar's size would be right, 'cause in baking, they tend to rise and we don't want them to be over flowing either.

A spoon was used to scoop out the excess and that's when we get a taste of the baking.
Wasn't that sweet, especially when only half the amount of sugar was added in, but just of a good taste.

It's a freaking traffic light in a jar!

What's next once the cupcakes are cooled?
Frosting!
Threw the cupcakes (not literally) in the freezer while I prepare the frosting.
The cupcakes needed to be cooled down before any frosting can be added, else it would just melt on my cupcakes 'cause of the heat.

And that's all the final products after 3.5 hours of spending in the kitchen, from baking it to frosting it to decorating it.
Well spend afternoon I'll say.
Pat on the back for a good first attempt and until more baking session to come.
Till then, I'm making a list of what I want to bake, and spamming internet for good reliable, easy recipes to follow.

O-An Japanese Resturant

Another food post. It's been a while since I last posted about food.
A new place that Ashley and I went just this week. Here to us finding food deals online, purchasing it and trying out different places.
But of course, we had to balance it out with exercising.
This week we purchased a deal from deals.com and it's from a Japanese Restaurant located at Hong Leong Building near Raffles Place.
The deal include a 10-course meal for two at an affordable price of $29.90. Though unfortunately the deal doesn't include gst and surcharge. Sigh for me for not reading terms & condition apply.

The restaurant was a little hard to find, it was located in the basement at a corner, in which we weren't sure if that's the restaurant.
Upon entering the place, we found the venue to be very spacious. Unfortunately, the owner of the restaurant didn't make use of the space properly, and half of the table were empty or filled with dishes waiting to be taken to the kitchen. Wasn't quite the first impression I was looking for.
We had to wait about 10 minutes before being acknowledged by the staff and getting a seat. While there are empty tables available, they didn't let us sit there but to wait until the smaller tables were cleared for us.
At a glance, it was easily seen that they were short-handed and poor management.

Finally getting our seats and waiting for our meals to arrive.

Super enjoyed their mayo potato salad, which I give all thumbs up.
To the point that both of us were 'fighting' to eat it. Hahah! Definitely a must to learn how to make this dish in future.

Next was the fried bean-curd. Personally I found it to be alright only, nothing too special about it, and maybe just wasn't what I was expecting.
The joke was I was given the last piece and saying that Ashley yao chi wo de duo fu!

Deep fried chicken in lemon sauce, served with salad.
Another not-bad dish that I quite liked.

The dish that I was looking forward to; salmon!
Super a big fan of eating salmon. Which reminds me to go back Clarke Quay again for the Japanese buffet. Hmmm!

Really enjoyed the fish a lot. Soft and tender and with the right amount of sauce.
Could I have two more pieces please!

Our epic hotpot.
When it first came, the candle below wasn't lighted so we asked them if they can light it up for us.
And the funny thing was it came with two bowls of egg for us. And impulsive me just immediately pour the egg on top of the pot, and like omg, the egg yolk flowed down and went outside the pot.
Both of us were just looking at each other, and just kept quiet.
The person came and took the pot to help us light the candle below, and I guess she thought that the egg yolk already dropped when it was served to us. So when she came back with the pot, she kind of replaced the bowl with another egg yolk.
Both of us were silently laughing about it, and even betting whether the lady would replace the egg. 

 Our after picture after we mixed up the ingredients, and cooked everything inside.
Super love the soup, a little sweet but sweet enough for my taste buds.

Finally the last dish arrive, and it's the ramen.

After all the eating, feeling super full. Then we headed off for walk. Wanted to walk down to find a bakery to purchase some bread, but guess we mis-calculated the timing and it was closed by the time we reached.

Next alternative is dessert at Maxwell Food Centre.
One random morning, I shall pop by here for breakfast.
Tried their durian ice kacang and it was so good! Surprising for me since usually I'm not one to order ice kacang.

Next thing we know, we decided to head down to Chinatown for us to take mrt back home.
And found Smith Street.
Smith street apparently is the only street (I think!) in Chinatown that they closed to vehicles and opened all food stalls just for people like us to go at night for supper.
Super chillout place and kind of bring back some nice old memories of having supper along the road.
 

Couldn't resist again and we ended up purchasing peanut/sesame balls from the Ah Balling Peanut Soup.
Nonsensical us played this guessing game, since we were given 5 balls, we had to guess what fillings was it inside.
It was a 50-50 chance of getting it right and if anyone gets it wrong, they get the third ball.
Somehow Ashley ended up eating all the sesame balls, and I ate all the peanut ones. Lol.

The sad news we heard was that end April, the whole street is going to be renovated for six months and will only reopen again in December. Lucky much that we walked that street to find out and have the dessert before they have to close down.
Hopefully the government doesn't make it too expensive for rent after the renovation that we miss on the old stalls.

Here to another food adventure and learning about new places to eat in Singapore.
Until next time.

25 things

Another random blogspot that I wanted to do.
Sometimes in life, we just need some motivations and goals to work towards to, kind of like meeting a deadline and feeling rewarded for achieving it.

This year meeting the legal age of 21, makes me settle down and rethink my life. How I have spent my last 21 years, and how I plan to spend the rest of my years ahead.
It's still never too late to lay a plan out, and at this age, it can also be quite worrying if you don't have a backup plan in life.
Maybe it's just me who thinks that.
But guessing from the standard of living in Singapore, it's better to be safe and have a plan.

So to make a list of 25 things that I want to achieve when I turn 25.
Although that's like in 4.75years time. Sounds scary to the thought that I might be turning 25 eventually, but already turning 21 makes it a super big difference. No more a teen in my age, and passing the big 20.


Things I want to achieve before turning 25

1. Be in a stable relationship that would eventually lead to marriage
Hmm, I guess at that age, I do want the stability in a relationship and know that this is the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with. Working towards a life together and planning out our marriage and how we many children we want.

2. Graduated and holding a stable job
This is like the most important factor. To know what I have successfully graduated with my degree and found a good stable job that I enjoy. As well as to know that I would have a stable income per month, and being able to contribute to the family and to start saving up for the future as well.

3. Playing in stocks market
One of the things I just want to learn, maybe starting with the currency exchange market first before going higher. I don't want to go broke that fast either. Just start small.

4. To exercise and keep fit at least twice a week
I super must keep to this one. Like to motivate myself and say that I am exercising to keep fit, and of course the figure (provided I stop snacking so much). And just hoping that working life doesn't get in the way of keeping fit.

5. To at least join a marathon once a year
Hmm, maybe just to keep a constant timing and know that I am doing a good workout, instead of the kind that I am just forcing myself to run just to keep this 25 things resolution.

6. Buying something expensive for myself
Honestly, till now I'm not the kind to buy expensive or branded stuffs. Buying my first AX jacket when I was 18 was already whoa enough for me. And then it cost $170 to buy the plain black jacket. Maybe at the end of 25, spending $170 might (or not) be a big deal to me. But I do want to buy something pricey yet something that I really want, just like as a 25th present to myself. In terms of what I would buy, I have honestly no idea.

7. Constant cooking and baking
This is kind of like preparative course for marriage and learning how to feed myself when I move out of the house. And I still have much to learn about cooking/baking different dishes, cuisine and colors! Hahah. I want to be those awesome moms that like can cook awesome food, so that my children will come home for dinner more often 'cause they enjoy eating the food. At the same time, kind of like distress moments in the kitchen. Same for Australia times where I head into the kitchen for baking session when I'm unhappy.

8. Less of hair coloring
Hmm, I guess this is one of the areas I need to watch out on. Ever since I learn the fun of hair coloring, it's almost like experimenting with colors every year. Hopefully by 25, my hair is still manageable and smooth, else I have to go for serious intense hair treatment until it is back to it's original state. So let's hope my hair would be one color.

9. Dealing with weight issue
I know it's weird for me to type it, but till now at times I do struggle with weigh issue. I know my target weight is like 44kg, but no matter how much I try to lose weight, the lowest I went was 46 before I bounce back to my usual 47. Then again, I told myself I won't starve myself silly just to lose weight and become rags and bones. BUT again hopefully with good exercise and diet, I would reach that target weight without extreme dieting/starvation.

10. Control of violent
Girls are sort of meant to be more feminine and if they are too violent, naturally the guys would be scared of them, and it doesn't give off any good signals either. So here to controlling my short-fused temper and violent, and to say that there are other methods to handle the anger inside without hitting anything.

11. Bringing the family together
Let's hope everyone can forgive and move on from the past.

12. Being happy
As mentioned in the previous post how being happy was one of the most important things to me? I want that even when I'm older, I know how to not let life bring me down, make me depressed and lose my emotion stability. And that I know how to stop and smell the flowers, enjoy what is around me and take a walk once in a while.

13. Strengthen my walk with God
Another thing I would like to work on, especially right now when I'm not going church as often as I used to, and even in my daily life, I stopped praying and thanking Him for things. And yes, to get baptized or rather get my confirmation then. And really to live by it, not just like having the paper and forget about it.

14. A good social circle of friends that I trust
Friends are always important, especially as we grow older. The friends we know today, might not be the friends we know in a year time. But in any case, I want to find a group of friends that I can trust with my life, trust them with things that bother me and know that they would be there for me in times of need, and vice versa.

15. Challenge myself always, give the best that I can do

16. Oversea trips with friends!
Maybe not just one, but many. To find a group of traveling, adventurous, impulsive friends who are up to the challenge of traveling just anywhere. Hahah! Of course we need to take the budget into consideration.

17. Take an oversea trip alone
This would be like my super adventure out in the unknown alone. And I would even choose a country I have not been before, and not even join the tour, but really just booking the hotel room and figuring out the places to go on my own.

18. Do a scrapbook of pictures
I know it's something small, but I really want to find the time and effort to do one at least. Was kind of suppose to do one this year, but considering it's May already and I haven't even bought the book, I doubt I would start this year. Maybe next (or next)

19. Keeping up the physical appearance
I guess for anyone, it's still important to attempt to look young while aging. And I'm crossing my fingers that I get my mom's good genes. Hahah. But also to maintain a good look, not sloppy dressing, neat manicured fingernails/toenails and pleasant looking. And yea, with makeup.

20. To pay the down payment for my first car
Major huge decision of purchasing my own car, but this is just the things that I hope to either achieve by 25 or at least by 30. Although I'm guessing my car would mainly stay home on the weekdays and only be used on the weekend. Hmm, probably at the beginning I would have it that way, to save cost on paying taxes as well. And also to avoid ERP and extra parking costs when I'm still in debt.

21. Start a small business
It can be anything or everything.

22. Scar reduction
To go for laser to remove the scars on my wrist

23. Learning the priorities
I guess eventually as I grow older, I lose track of what's most important to me. Maybe at the beginning when I first get a boyfriend (if I have), it would be all about him, I might ignore my friends or like family as well. Every time would be spend going out with him. I just want my priorities to be set straight, knowing that studies will always be first, and getting the good grades. Family and friend would be second. And I would know what time to go home, and not ridiculously stay out late at night when I have early class the next day and get my mom all worried 'cause I'm not home yet.

24. Wearing spectacles out more often
I know it's something weird on the list, but just to reduce my dependent on contact lens. It becomes to the point where I cannot leave home with spectacles and like I feel awkward and super no esteem with spectacles on.

25. Get at least the layout of abs
Any girl can be skinny. Any girl can be fit. But not any girl can be fit with abs.



Super unsure how many on this list I would be able to achieve when I turn 25. Then again, it's good to have something to work towards to.

What's Important

Reading a post from a friend's blog and he had a blogpost of this.

Write 12 things that I value most in my life.

1. Family
2. Friends
3. Punctuality
4. Rest
5. IT Gadgets (Phone, Laptop, Camera)
6. Food
7. Learning and moving on from the past
8. Money
9. Grades
10. Being happy
11. Physical Appearance
12. Independence


Now delete the least three important.

1. Family
2. Friends
3. Punctuality
4. Rest
5. IT Gadgets (Phone, Laptop, Camera)
6. Food
7. Learning and moving on from the past
8. Money
9. Grades
10. Being happy
11. Physical Appearance
12. Independence


Followed by another three. (Getting difficult isn't it?)

1. Family
2. Friends
3. Punctuality
4. Rest
5. IT Gadgets (Phone, Laptop, Camera)
6. Food
7. Learning and moving on from the past
8. Money
9. Grades
10. Being happy
11. Physical Appearance
12. Independence


Then the next two (Should be starting to claw your heart)
1. Family
2. Friends
3. Punctuality
4. Rest
5. IT Gadgets (Phone, Laptop, Camera)
6. Food
7. Learning and moving on from the past
8. Money
9. Grades
10. Being happy
11. Physical Appearance
12. Independence


Then one more.
1. Family
2. Friends
3. Punctuality
4. Rest
5. IT Gadgets (Phone, Laptop, Camera)
6. Food
7. Learning and moving on from the past
8. Money
9. Grades
10. Being happy
11. Physical Appearance
12. Independence

And another one more.
1. Family
2. Friends
3. Punctuality
4. Rest
5. IT Gadgets (Phone, Laptop, Camera)
6. Food
7. Learning and moving on from the past
8. Money
9. Grades
10. Being happy
11. Physical Appearance
12. Independence


You should have two items left, guard these with your life.

Friends and Being happy.

I guess for me, friends are like the most important to me. They are more understanding, and it is easier for me to tell them what's on my mind and pouring out my troubles to them. But of course, it's with the friends that I really trust, that I tell them everything.

Second, being happy is really important to me. Especially with years of dealing with depression, and suicidal thoughts, it really becomes the top of the list that I do not fall back into that pit hole again. Not sure about how I plan to achieve of being happy all the time, but that's one of the goals I want to work towards to now, and ensure that life don't bring me down hard again.

That's mine. What's yours?