Dating you

I watched from the second floor as he walked through the mall entrance, not knowing that I have seen him entering.

It was a game of hide and seek. The rule is simple, find me.

'On second thought, maybe it isn't a very good idea. Is it okay for you to come over?'

'Where is your location?'

'Outside left foot'.

In that split moment it left me wondering, 'left foot, as in minion left foot?' I wanted to ask but I didn't see him walking out of the mall. Still I guessed he probably could have sneaked out while I wasn't paying attention. Heading down the escalator, I turned right instead of my usual left. Walking on I passed a pillar and got a shock, I was the seeker instead and he was,in a way, hiding behind the pillar.

'Hey you'.

Awkward silence. But in his hands were panadol and a bottle of water. He gave them to me, mainly for the relief of my headache. Surprised yet a sweet gesture, coming from a person I barely know, and having met only once.

Yet the confession amused me when he confessed how he normally don't buy Panadol but 'borrowed' them instead. But he bought them for me. Yes maybe I was taken in by his gesture that moment, that day.

But that marks the start of our first date.


Fast forward five months, here we are.

I used to tell myself that I never want to date an army boy (or guy). Mainly to avoid the hassle and troubles of them booking in and out only on weekend, suffering through their confinement or worst, getting send oversea for days without communication. I never want to go through all these and to save myself these trouble, I rather not date one.

But I knew from the start that he was about to be enlisted. Was it in my mind to reject him if he ever confessed that he like me? Maybe give a lame reason that I'm not looking for a relationship. Or better still, admit that I'm a lesbian and is in a committed relationship.

And if we were to get together, I was nowhere prepared for what to expect when he enlisted. I wasn't even sure of I could go through it. I mean what could I prepare for, put it into perspective that it is a long distance relationship in which you only see each other on weekends? Be less emotionally attached so it doesn't bother you that much when he's inside camp? Forget that you have a boyfr during weekdays (hahaha!)  or simply accepting it? Won't the easier way be don't even date him in the first place? Simple answer, simple solution.

But. The irony that now I'm not just dating but in a relationship with an army man (heheh!) whom I'm happy and blessed to be together with. Yes it goes against all that I didn't wanted. Sometimes I ask myself, is it worth it? Suffered the three weeks confinement period, having to wait at night everyday for his calls and making use of the time before he gets tired and goes to sleep, being patience and know that now you can't inform him of things immediately but there a time delay, saving my weekends all for him, sometimes canceling plans cause he is tired and wants to rest at home, knowing that there is only that much that can be done within two (or less) days, charging the house phone everyday to chat with him, knowing you can't use time as an excuse because it's not cause he don't want to but because he can't, hugging him when he's all dirty and smelly from camp, six weeks of picking him up at tampines interchange, the thought of Sunday night book in, the tired boy who fell asleep on your calls, the headache felt when he returned on weekends with cuts from training and suddenly looking at a botak head soldier (yea the initial looking at him botak actually shocked me and made me wondered did his new look bothered me?). Yes I questioned myself, is it worth it?

Yes it was.

It became worth it knowing he allocates most of his time for me, staying up late to talk on the phone even though he is tired and he needs to wake up at 4.45am (or earlier) the next day, staying awake and focused on hearing what I said on the phone, making my weekend worthwhile looking forward to instead of saying it's just another weekend, hearing his voice every night, learning how precious time is and how you want to spend it right, learning that patience is a virtue, reading the little messages that he leave for me during the day (when he can) to encourage me, knowing that when I spam him messages through the day he would read them all always, appreciating the things he do for me even insisting on sending me home personally without fail, that awesome feeling when I see him every time he books out and seeing the soldier he has become.

In fact one main thing that I learned from being in a relationship with my boy is patience. The immense amount of patience to practice is huge, enormous. Why? You need patience to wait for him to get things done before being able to talk to you on the phone. You need patience to wait for his book out, especially especially times when he doesn't know either his book out time and when there are bad delays which can last not just minutes but hours. You need patience to wait for him to wake up on weekends even though you are much tempted to call him up yourself but you also know he's tired and he needs his rest. You need patience to not get angry with him when there are times where he is just too tired to do much on the weekend even though you have already planned activities. You need just that amount of patience to get you through. And I do struggle with that many times. Because it's just not easy and patience is never my virtue.

Do I regret dating an army man? No.

The five months taught me much, taught both of us much more. And even though our first meeting went weird and our first date was impromptu and super unplanned, it's amusing to see how it ended up here, being together.

Maybe a little overly mushy post. Bear with me.

But there are much to love about him. His expressions, dramatic. His walking style. The impromptu funny ideas we both shared and agreed, doesn't matter how hilarious or crazy it is. His sense of concern. His reactions. His goosebumps. Thoughtfulness. Overly mushiness. Appreciation and manners. And the way he looks at you and you know you're the only one he wants to look at.

Five months down. And much more to go.
Naturally no one knows what will happen in future or even what will happen tomorrow. Life is always unpredictable after all but we take one step at a time to plan.

Life is already irony enough when you're doing something you said you never wanted to do.