Ending 2013

It time to set the priorities in life.

Move on from the past and don't let it affect the future. 

The year might not have started well, but that doesn't mean the rest of the year has to be bad.

I started this year with this blog entry, telling myself not to make too many new year resolution but to make just one; to be more positive. 

Looking back, I say this year bring about many surprises, ups and downs (as usual), completing many achievements, learning much more, growing up, perhaps smiling more than before and being happier. 

I definitely didn't start the year right, having my plans ruined on 31st dec last year, spend countdown on the computer being on Facebook and even the first day of the year went horribly bad. I got forced to go down to mbs to meet HIM when he refused to even pick me up from my home after what happened the night before, kept asking me to meet him there and finally I went down. And the reason why he refused to pick me up is that he is there already with his family, and thought it would be the perfect surprise to have a meal with them. 

P.s. background story. I wasn't that close to his family at all and barely felt welcomed when I'm at his place. And no it will never be a surprise having a family meal and especially when I'm in a very bad mood. 

The whole journey there was just on whasapp, never a single call to ask where am I or whether I have reached. Only until I finally called him, and he appeared behind me. 

Summary, let's just say it started and ended bad. 

Moving on, there are still a few achievements that I did this year.

For starters, I ended my job at the dental clinic, which I have very much enjoyed my time there and was quite reluctant to leave. One of the best (or rather the best) workplace that I have worked at. And my colleagues even chipped in to buy me my 21st present.

*awkward smile*

That last week was the most insane week for me, working OT everyday and going home late. Tired, exhausted and super busy. 

After I ended work that day, I was flying off to Hong Kong a day later, just in time to celebrate my 21st birthday oversea. One of the things I really wanted to do; go on an oversea trip with my bf. 

I hesitated a lot whether I should hold a birthday party but decided against it and just wanted a getaway instead. At the same time, I was that close to cancelling the HK trip as well over unpleasant argument with HIM and the hurtful words thrown at each other. In the end, the trip was continued as planned. I wouldn't say it was a good trip, but just a decent one. 

Other achievement include a month of bumming at home, and going out on tourist walks with my uncle. Actually trying to cover as much of Singapore as possible, from botanic gardens, to gardens by the bay, to sea aquarium, to river safari, to bukit timah hill, and lots of malls walking. It was a great month for March and I wished it didn't have to pass that fast. 

Celebrating grandma's 92th birthday was super fun. And it was at my favorite restaurant; paradise inn! omg. I love their wasabi prawns like crazy. Super saving up and waiting to find a time where I'm less broke to enjoy a meal there. wasabi mayo prawn, wait for me!

More achievements include going on foodie hunt which I have only started this year. Finding on the internet for desserts places and actually making the effort to go down and try the food out. Learning to take foodporn pictures and at the same time, attempting not to gain weight from the food eating. 

Plus the big achievement was going back to running again. Something that was well-missed over the years. Despite the feeling of running wasn't the same as before, it was still good being on the tracks and aiming for a good timing. Much thanks to my friend Kevin who called me out for a run one random day, and it continued from there. And it developed from simple running of maintaining stamina to challenging myself to run a route at MacRitchie to eventually joining my first race event in Singapore.

This year another colorful year for my hair, though it wasn't as brightly colored as I thought it would be. Started the year with straight hair before I move on bleaching my left side for a bit of red fun. From there I went further and tried dyeing four colors; red, blue, purple and green. And mainly the green remained with a hint of faded red. It went on to dyeing the whole part full green instead which received algae comments. Eventually I took the final step of dyeing my whole head red, with the bottom part being brighter. And I stay this color, for now... Until I find a hairdresser to make it all uniform. 

I started baking again. Starting with simple traffic light cupcakes, before I moved on to simple cooking. Other baking adventures include muffins, brownies, cookies, oreo cheesecake and rainbow cheesecake. Oh as well as a rainbow cupcake in a cup! Still haven't found the right baking techniques especially when half the time, my baking are done through estimation. But it's worth it when the people who eat your baking enjoys it very much. 

Looking forward to my first baking session with Bumpy! 

What else what else? I finished my diploma and currently just started on my advanced diploma. Made new friends in the course. Argued with a lecturer as well. And got bored in class. Hahah. 

Two main achievements were getting out of a relationship which was doing more harm than good to me and finding YOU to love. First one, getting out of the relationship wasn't easy when the other party doesn't accept it and HE thinks that you're still together with him even though you're trying to break up. The number of calls received and the whasapp messages asking what's wrong and why are we breaking up. It was tough, it wasn't easy but it ended. It's happy to say I moved on from what happened.

The second one was falling in love again. Something I wanted to give up on, and just find flings instead, and not care about the other party or dare to open my heart. The first half of the year was tough, the people you thought you could trust or the person you thought was helping you, ended up to be a fraud. Just when you think things couldn't get any better, hopefully not worst, life gives you a turning point. 

No matter how many times I think about it, I finds it amusing about the first time I met him on that night, awkward moment at the table, even more awkward talking to realize you asked him the questions before and totally forgot until he said the answers again. Inside you're hoping he doesn't realize your mistake. 

Maybe this year more different from the rest. Maybe it's a year of change and growing up. Less negative thoughts and more smiles. Less crying and iosmina at night trying to sleep. Less suicidal thoughts and more openness. More laughter and happiness. More fun and joy. More love.

1. First oversea trip with bf

2. Started my diploma course

3. No slashing

4. Joined first race event in Sinapore

5. Broke my whole life saying that I won't date an army boy

6. Become a full time, disciplined dessert eater

7. Ran my first 42km 

8. Fell sick with high fever

9. Cycled over 25km at one go

10. Went drinking and never got drunk

11. Stopped social smoking

12. Started using android

13. Completed a full round at MacRitchie

14. Baked my first cheesecake and second!

15. Started driving lessons

16. First time drinking and got addicted to drinking teh

17. Attended bf's POP

18. Visited neighborhood cafes
19. Dated an army boy
20. Change my spectacles which never happened for five years
21. Wore spectacles out in public
22. Failed my first driving test
23. Used a kindle and read so much books as well
24. Played my gameboy (fond memories)
25. Finished my one year probation
26. Finished my longest part-time job
27. Pulled out my wisdom teeth
28. Went into Changi prison
29. Got scratched badly by a kitten
30. Worked at a day care and got called Miss Lim
31. Finally dyed my hair red
32. Wore red contact lens
33. Completed my diploma course
34. Started on advanced diploma course
35. Started but didn't finish reading my first sci-fri/fantasy book
36. Spend Christmas studying
37. Had my first and second B&J ice cream cone
38. Started a saving bottle
39. Had a worst acne breakout
40. Had my first dress bought by bf
41. Attended so many street events and won so many goodies
42. Watched movies with bf's family
43. Cut my hair short again (OMG)
44. Owning more dresses
45. Attempted abs training
46. Learned how to make a midori sour and be a temp bartender for 5 minutes
47. Took care of my bf!

I think there's more but for now that's all that I can think of. The best achievement is being in a relationship with an awesome, loving and dearest boyfriend.

And what happen next, of course would be thinking of new year resolution. Hmm.

1. Spend less, must be thrifty
2. Wear spectacles more often and look after eyes
3. Be more patience, appreciative and understanding.
4. No dyeing of hair at least for a year
5. Less anger in my tone of voice

Maybe it's also amazing that I'm alive now, and not thinking of suicidal thoughts when a year ago, I was determined to end it all. Telling myself that by Feb if nothing goes well, I go. I mean now looking back, you do wondered what were you thinking then, and how it was like. Moving forward a year later, you learned that maybe life do bring about a few surprises and you never know what's round the corner.

Maybe it was the amount of negativity and thoughts running through my mind all the time that brings me down, maybe I feel awkward sharing with people personal stuffs, maybe sometimes I said too much and wished I would just shut up and ignore everything around me. Just maybe.

I definitely do not know what 2014 will bring. But hey, bring it on!

Don't stop chasing

"I think that one of the biggest reason why relationships do not work out in the long run is because at one point, one side (or both) stops trying. Before one claims another person as their significant other, they would do anything to make that person happy. They would chase, they would flirt, they would be charming. They would send daily morning and goodnight texts every time you wake up or go to sleep. They would write corny messages and pick up lines just to make sure that there is a smile upon your face. But once they claim you as theirs, all of those things eventually stop. The 5 page texts slowly turn into 1. The constant calls turn into not calling at all. And the lovely endearments turn into daily arguments. In order for a relationship to work, don’t ever stop chasing. Just because the person you want is now consider “yours”, it does not mean they deserve anything less than the time when you’re trying to win them over."


What is the scariest thing that happened during a relationship? Is it when arguments occur more often? Couples aren't seeing eye to eye and realize the flaws that their partner had, is now becoming the question of why are you like that? Or is it when one side gave up doing their best 'cause the other party isn't giving in or compromising?

What does it mean to don't stop chasing?

Maybe at the beginning, you gave the person your time, your world, your listening ears and your eyes. But gradually, as things become more comfortable, you start to give her less. And make her give in more. Maybe more time to your bros because you always hang out with them every week, more time to gaming 'cause that's your favorite past time and maybe more time to family cause that's just how it is. But when she asks something from you, there's a slight moment of hesitation. Why?
Maybe it could be something simple of going to her place for dinner. Yet that moment of slight hesitation makes her wonder whether you do enjoy spending time at her place. Or even when you agreed in the end, but after dinner you're looking to leaving the place already to head somewhere else. What does it make her feel? That you aren't interested in spending time with her family, that you're having another appointment elsewhere that you need be at instead, what is?
On the other side, does it make you think that her spending time with your family every week counts as well? That she doesn't tell you she wants to leave at a certain time the moment dinner is over? Does she complain that she spends so much time at your place, yet you don't volunteer to do the same? Sometimes it leave behind a question of doubt in the air.

Don't stop chasing. How often do we practice that in our relationship. The mushy calls usually have a lot of 'I love you' in the conversation. Sometimes there would be the silent pause and you wonder if you have to be the one again to start a new topic. It seemed tiring. It is tiring when the other party isn't contributing.

Maybe then guys will say that girls are being overly sensitive with things and we shouldn't think so much into what a person say. But yet we are just made this way, unfortunately. We girls want to know that the guys are there for us, and can be there for us. We want to know that the guys consider our opinion when we ask them. We want to know that when we ask them to do something, it means something to us when they agree. We want to be surprised. We want to be demanding at times and make you do certain things.

Maybe there is also much for me to learn about relationship. Maybe to see from different point of view. And maybe to let go here and there.

A friend once said why do I sound so angry whenever I speak. And to think I never really noticed that before. Yet it is so true when I found out how angry I sound. Why? Am I that bitter inside that I don't bother showing it, so it shows in my voice instead? Am I that angry and frustrated inside, that sometimes I just don't know how to release it or trust in someone to rant all my problems to, but silently continue letting it build up inside till perhaps one day it just explored. Life always isn't fair and no matter how much I try to make it better, maybe I'm just not happy trying so hard to make myself happy when nobody cares.

Running 42

Wanted to blog this before the day is over, and also starting a blog entry to welcome December. Just another month to the end of the year and a start of a new one. I don't know what next year will bring but much happened this year.

Today I ran my last race event of the year and it was the toughest, most exhausting and enduring race ever. The legendary standard chartered marathon. And off all distance to choose, I'm running 42km. Double good job.

The night before I had trouble sleeping, tossing and turning while telling myself that I have to sleep early. Still only about 11pm that I managed to fall asleep but waking up again about 2am. Finally at 3am I had to get up to get ready. And best of all, my dearest is just on his way home. Tsk at him, yay for me. It's funny thinking that I went to sleep and woke up AND he just finished his dota games. Lol. Excited and nervous for the event.

Thank goodness mummy send us down to orchard. Then again SMRT has so kindly started their service early to accommodate with the big race event so participants can save the cab fare and be on time for the race. Already at 4.30am and I'm standing in the line waiting for the final half hour to pass so I can get the adrenalin running. Wasnt exactly sure how I am going to finish the race but I will give it my best shot. But I also made a promise to my dearest that I would not over exceed myself as well, for two reasons; I have zero training for this marathon and it's my first time running such a long distance.

The first 10 km was bearable and did a reasonable timing of 1:10. We went pass the floating platform before heading towards north bridge road. On my mind I was thinking of pictures angle to take of flower dome and of the city buildings. Self amusement while running. Took my first drink at 10 km mark and feeling quite positive about the run. Then I remembered my doctor's advice of walking for a few mins every 10km. Following his advice, well I tried doing the same and walked for three minutes. But after that starting to jog again was a challenge. I couldn't really find my momentum and had to slow jog instead. It was alright for the next 3km until I reached the dreadful east coast park route. Never a fan of running there because of the route and bored out scenery. Yet today I had to run 17km in east coast. Much dreaded.

Of all motivation just when I was entering ecp, on the other side I see the fastest runner exiting ecp. And here I am having another 17km to go. Rahhhh. Started walking eventually cause the legs started cramping and feeling very heavy. The shoes seemed a little too right for comfort and I was just that tempted to run barefooted. Every km I passed is telling myself I'm getting closer to the finishing line.

Here also when you see runners attempting to get an energy boost through their energy gel. And frequent stops for toilet break. One super unfair thing is how guys can just pee at the bushes while us ladies need a cubicle. Not that we can just pee standing up either. The halfway mark was really far away and reaching my timing target was a challenge. I thought I would leave ecp latest at 4:30 hours but I was so wrong. I left an hour later.

During the race I made a friend through walking and he became my buddy for the remaining distance of the race, where we encouraged, joked and survived through the distance. It really makes the marathon less boring because of the company. We even cheered over the energy gel which tasted weird and shared a banana.

The last 10km was the most challenging. Your legs giving up on you, the whole lower body is cramping and tired. You want to give up and just not walk anymore. You want to slow down in the walking pace and you want to go home to sleep. At times it was a little yawning while walking and feeling the hunger knowing you only had two bananas for breakfast.

A km never felt so far until today.

The final 5km gave me more motivation to pick up my pace, telling myself that I'm that close. The encouragement texts and messages further helped and you just look forward to seeing your bf at the finish line. Best motivation ever!

Final 100m ad I sprinted like crazy. Suddenly the legs don't hurt anymore just in that moment and you just want to cross the line. But after crossing the line it was a bad crumple down to the floor on the wobbly legs. Had to apply muscle rub before I could slowly make my way over. Collecting my finisher tee and medal was a big sense of achievement.

Seeing my boy was happier. Until my vision changed color and I started seeing yellow. Knowing what might happen next, I warned him and grab him tight before I lost it and blacked out. Luckily medic were there to help and friendly passer by who gave their chocolate bar and 100 plus. Probably happened out of exhaustion.

My achievement? Finishing the race whether I walked or ran and did a bad timing. But it was a good experience though not one I would want to experience it again anytime soon.